Reality Reading

Ever read something that just stops you right there and makes you think? Settles deep?

All the other sentences just blend together, telling a story or whatever they're doing. Then certain words jump out, demanding more than a run through. These got me:

It was not your swords or bows that brought you victory.  

I gave you land you had not worked on, and I gave you towns you did not build...I gave you vineyards and olive groves for food, though you did not plant them. So fear the Lord and serve Him wholeheartedly.

Joshua 24:12b-14a

In today's reality TV world, this is real reality, and the irony is that it was written thousands of years ago. It's still true today, as much as it was then for the Israelites. 

He is in Sovereign control.

I grew up fairly independently as a kid. Stayed single for longer than all of my friends, then was single again till I was 36 years old. Didn't need or really even want anyone calling the shots because I could handle it on my own.  

But that's not a healthy mentality for people who love Jesus. Yes, He gives us strengths that we use to accomplish things in this life. But we're fooling ourselves when we believe that we're the ones that did it. 

The Israelites were walking the tightrope of independent thinking, thinking it was themselves that got them where they were. Lots of victory in battle, beautiful surroundings in Canaan, lots of fresh food after eating bland manna for 40 years in the desert. 

But God so graciously reminds them of Where it came from, Who gave it to them. So they didn't get too big for their britches or misdirect their worship to themselves. 

My victory over sin isn't a result of anything I've done. It's all Him. 

My work success happens because He has given me favor in the eyes of the people on the other side of my work. 

The fruit of my ministry only comes because He uses my efforts for His purposes.

He is Gracious, Generous, Good.

That's reality! 

So, fear the LORD and serve Him wholeheartedly. 

Little bird, what do you need to thank Him for? What do you think you've done on your own, but need to drop to your knees and give Him wholehearted praise for? Reach deep, do a reality check, and give Him His praise!

Because He is Worthy.

 

Bowl of Rocks

How could they possibly forget that day? Just as easily as I forget, too...

Back in the day, of Joshua, they came to the edge of their promised land. They could see it. They could probably smell it - the lush trees, land, flocks, plants, food. Only one problem. An overflowing river to cross before reaching the blessing. Don't we all have those, blocking our way?

He tells them to step into the overfull river - it's the only way across. Hmm...that very water that could swallow us up and wash us away in, like, a millisecond? Are you sure? Yep. Do it.

He is Wisdom

Needless to say (because God is faithful and NEVER asks us to do something that would hurt us), they make it across. He holds back the river long enough for them to pass through. And, adds one more request before He unleashes that raging water again.

He tells them to remember what He did. To build a rock memorial on the spot, in the middle of the river. To mark it. To not forget.

He is Worthy to be remembered

What an honor, to remember. To create a tangible memory of something that the creator of the universe did for me! To have a place to go back to when I forget. And believe me, I forget! I need that bowl of memories. 

So, sweet one, reach deep into your memory banks, read through the handwritten notes in your Bible, ask your family and friends to help you remember, do whatever it takes, but remember what He did, and make a memorial.  

Not a creepy, idol-type memorial. But something that honors who He is in your life. How He has shown Himself to you, how He's worked in your life. Name the waters He's held back. Name the raging rivers He's enabled you to cross. Name the promised land He has brought you into. 

Because He asks us to. And because He is worth remembering. 

Praise His name!

The Big 4-0!

This week, I turn 40. A milestone, right? Yeah. I never thought it would bother me. But it has...

There's something about those two numbers next to each other that caused me take stock, look at where I'm at in life, what I've accomplished, what kind of person I've become, the quality and quantity of friendships in my life, how well I've served Him. Ugh.

I was recently blindsided by a lifelong trigger (as in...wham! boom! T.K.O., baby!). A huge pity party, deep down in a pit of struggle I didn't know was still so alive. Then, the kick-myself-while-I'm-down thoughts came...

...you'd think, by the age of 40, you'd be over this stuff, little bird!...

He's taught me enough over the past few years that I knew I had to get myself out of that rut of thinking. That negative pull was pretty intense; all I could do was pray for His help to come out of the hole I'd dug and fell into.

Then, His truth.

He is Truth. 

My daily reading (in which I'm a month behind!) couldn't have come at a better time:

"During these 40 years, the LORD your God has been with you 

and provided for your every need so that you lacked nothing"

Deut 2:7b (NLT)

How sweet is that?!? A week before the big day, that's what I read. Like, really, how often do we read Deuteronomy?!? Soul, be soothed!

Absolutely correct! My life hasn't been easy (whose has, huh?), but I tell you what, soul, the LORD has indeed been good to me and has been with me every step of the bumpy way, and I've lacked nothing that I really needed.

Like when my parents divorced, He was there. I was too young to know it, but He was.

When another divorce came, He was there, again. I was angry and hard, but He was there. And, deep down, I knew it that time. "...the LORD your God has been with you..."

He is Emmanuel.

And when I was stupid in college and should have died in that accident, He was certainly there, stopping the car 10 feet short of a drop off. 

And when that "love of my life" relationship ended and I wanted to live under a rock for the rest of my life, He turned me around. Losing that man was the BEST thing that ever happened! I never would have left him. God knew that. So, He removed the man from me!

He is Wise Protector.

And, after that relationship ended, He drew me back to Him. The real Lover of my soul. He refused to let me continue to go down that path of darkness, mistakes and overt sin. 

He is Savior! 

And years later when I went through my own divorce, He was most certainly there. Carrying me. Holding me up. Healing those wounds. Allowing me to be alone in the desert so I could figure out who He was. "...so that you lacked nothing..."

He is Love.

And when I got laid off from that job, feeling so humiliated and unworthy, He gave me a clear message that a good, specifically-designed spot was coming. A job that would use what He gave me.

He Speaks.

And when they offered me the VP role, twice, He gave me the wisdom and surrender to say no. Those jobs were later eliminated. He's given me favor through seven corporate re-organizations in ten years! 

And when he asked me to marry him and I said yes, but terrified because of what happened before, He gave me a cheering section of wise elders, friends and family to help me know it would be ok, to trust Him. "...and provided for your every need..."

He is Provider. 

And when my health fell apart, migraines taking over, body broken with no answers, He was there. Gently calling me in, in a way that good health could never in a million years have taught me. It's still hard, almost every day, with this broken body, but I see it differently now.

He is Comforter.

And now, as I take stock in my life, because of His words in Deuteronomy, I see things through His eyes, not the eyes of the world. 

The world wants me to focus on the fact that I don't make six figures in salary, I don't have a fancy car, I'm not in a position of power at work, I do have cellulite, gray hair, and eye wrinkles, and, yes, that woman at church who unknowingly blindsided me a week ago is, in fact, thinner, prettier, more fashionable and more popular than I am. That's okay.

He wants me to focus on the fact that I know Him. Better. Deeper. Because of those things that made my 40-year journey so unique, hard, worth it.

Thank You, LORD my God! You have been with me and provided for my needs along every step of these 40 years, and I have lacked nothing. In fact, I have gained everything!

Praise Your name!

Peeling Back the Onion

I've been cryin' in the kitchen. Spiritually speaking.

The LORD has brought me through a lot of trials and challenges. Dragged me through a few, too. Every time another challenge comes, I have to learn the lesson of trust all over again. You'd think after all these years, I'd get it! You'd think...

So, here I sit, head on with another opportunity to learn. Right now. Literally, this morning. It's been building, this one. I knew last week that today was coming. And in typical flesh form, I opened the door to fear. So it slithered in. Settled, bringing it's fog with it. Made itself all cozy-like. Ordered room service. And, like any hospitable host would do, I served it up daily.

Then, His voice. Clear, calm, gentle.

He Speaks.   

This is about peeling back the layers. Of surrender. Oh, great! Cuz I do so well with this one!

It starts, for me, with those easy words that slip off the tongue, "You are in control, LORD".  I mean them. I do! But they can be dry, crackly, paper thin.

This challenge, today's, is more of a theological exercise than I expect. Deeper questions come,  

"You trust Me? With the whole thing? Even if 'the worst' happens?"

He is Worthy of our trust.

The eyes sting, the burning starts, the papery words laid aside, now tasked with getting into the heart of the thing.

And this time, today, the deepest question,  
"If I asked you to suffer in order to bring Me glory, would you accept the challenge?" 

He is Glorious!  His Glory is my purpose.

And the house guest, that slithery one that's settled in, makes a loud call. Eyes stinging, stench of fear rising, but Truth whispering in my soul to peel it back, that layer of surrender. This time, go a layer deeper!

So, I sit, waiting for the appointment.  Fear is still in the house, but I'm trying to refuse its calls for attention.  There has been growth. There are more layers surrendered, but many more to go.

He is Sufficient.

Yes, LORD. (Get back, fear! I will say it!) I trust You, even if 'the worst' happens.

For Your glory!  

Willing to Lay it Down

The lesson is fresh, real, alive. And I fear it will fade, I'll forget and go dark.

Those words just won't leave my head..."so let Your Light shine in..." repeating over and over for days and days. Sung at church, I don't know the name or who or anything. Just that phrase.

He brought home two kinds of flowers, knowing beauty and love would soothe. I tell him I'm not a flower-type of woman, but he knows that at the right time, unexpected, they shine. They display of God. They tell a story. They make sense of the words in my head.

I'm always wrestling for a lesson, wanting life to be more than just events. Wanting profound, useful messages from Him.

He is Faithful to hear and answer.

See for yourself.

The way He shines through. The way His peace shows in the strains, the stress, the imperfections. But we have to be willing to let His Light shine through us.

He is Light.

My emotions get in my way. Often. Too often. Ok, almost always. Habits I don't even understand, they rule me. Without me knowing, sometimes. Like Paul, I do what I don't want to do and I don't do what I want to do.

He's faithfully opened my eyes and, at this exact time, He's answering my long-awaited prayers for change. But it's exhausting. Laying it down is exhausting. 

Because when the light changes, when the circumstances shift, when things are different, and emotions come different, its a new challenge to see and let go of the old habit that drives. Different circumstances show different things that need to change, shine, lie down.

 

When I lay down the thing - deep pain she caused, desire to hurt her back, taking it out on him - when I lay it down, look deeply into it, see it for what it is (an attempt to self-protect, sin needing a Savior's Light) and I choose to lay it down, to fast from it, to deny myself that urge, when I do that, He shines. Through my strains, stress, and imperfections.

Sweet one, what do you need to lay down, to deny yourself of, in order for Him to shine through? Take a slow breath, look into it, and put it aside. Trusting the Light.

"so let Your Light shine in..."  For Your glory, LORD!

Weakening the Grip

Jacob and I have something in common. We're wrestlers with God.

Some people lightly skip through the fields, taking what comes, surrendering easily, freely. Not me. Ever. My style of moving through those fields is usually with heavy boots, wading my way through, looking for why the field is even in my path, searching for something beyond the obvious, wanting to hear His voice in the trees. Straining. Muscles tight. Wrestling for the bigger lesson.

Because when He speaks, I'm okay. His voice is balm to my heart. He's the only thing that soothes in the deepest place. His voice gets to the root.

He is Peace.

But my mind fights that peace, can't hear. It's a busy place, my mind. Overworked, by me. Wrestling, mingled thoughts. So much to think about, manage, do, decide right now. So much that requires being strong.

He is Strong.

But I'm not. Strong. I think I am, but I'm not (at least, not on my own), which makes wrestling a challenge.

Fifteen days ago the balm came, gently, "each drop flows release, weakening the grip". One day earlier, she was in surgery. I was waiting. Wrestling back the temptation to fear, wanting to control.  

Seeing her afterward, safe, but very weak after a heart scare in recovery, that single drop fell. Then later, after sweeping her hair to the side, kissing her forehead, more drops. 

Those drops were release. Surrendering to the One Who loves her more than I ever could. Loosening my grip on her, my want to hold her here, fix it all now, eliminate those lesions that threaten, protect her from pain and chemo, find ways to tell her all the things I've neglected to say, heal the parts of us that broke so many years ago.

But His grip on her is strong. She is His. By wrestling loose my want of control, trust and heart-deep faith are strengthened.  Making me stronger for what He has asked me to do or be, in the midst of the circumstances or fields He puts me in. Strengthened, drop by drop, creating a ripple effect into other areas of my life.

So, there it is. His voice in the trees...Strength comes by wrestling loose the grip.

On Holy Ground

Trials don't often seem like holy ground. But they are.

He's been using burning bushes for years. He's using them now, still.

He is Consistent.

Moses clearly had no idea what would happen when he walked up to that burning bush.  He walked over to it innocently. Not knowing. Just like us.

We have burning bushes, too, don't we? Those fires that demand our attention, that pull us off of the path we're walking, the usual routine we're working. They catch us off guard, unknowing.

Like the scorching fire of betrayal that destroys. Or the wild flames of a prodigal child. Maybe it's the constantly-warm simmer of lonliness. Or the bone-tingling shock of a scary diagnosis. Burning bushes and fires are everywhere. 

Just like with Moses, He uses fires to get our attention, you know. There's something inside the fire - something He wants to say, an assignment for us to do, a plan He wants carried out. A God-sized purpose.

He draws us, unknowingly from our routines of life, into places of heat, unusual events, unanticipated opportunities. He draws us to them, He wants our attention. Because He has a purpose for them - they are useful to Him. That we would be used by Him. 

He is Purposeful. 

Moses had to take off his shoes at that firey place. Because God was there, in that flame. It was holy ground. Like our firey places, too. They're holy. Because He's in them. That gives me courage, confidence.

He is Holy.

And, just like with Moses, He promises to be with us, to be our strength, our words, our I AM when we step into that firey place. Even when it's scary hot. Facing Pharoah was no easy task. But He knew that through His power, Moses could lead the people out of their chains, into knowing His name. He uses our fires to do the same, turning our unknowing into knowing Him.

So, sweet one, what firey bush are you standing at the foot of? What is He using to call your attention?  

As scary as it looks, look to the past and find His faithfulness. Trust that if you walk into it, He is there. It will be holy. Trust that He has a purpose for that fire in your life. He will equip you, lead you, teach you, stretch you, and use you to bless others.

He will lead you to know His name. Red-hot, holy glory!