Simple

I want this, and that outcome, and oh, that one over there, too, as long as I'm asking.

I spend my energy trying to figure out what He wants.

And He whispers, through all the craziness in my head...

I want your heart, little bird. 
I want your heart. 

He is Patient Love.

Okay, Father. Here it is - my heart, all stitched together. I packed up all the stuff that was distracting me, got it out of my way, and I wait for what You have.

Keeping it Simple

"What in the world is going on?!?", he asked. It was a good question.

One that I was too close to in order to ask myself. It was complicated. Very.

It's a good word. Well, not a good word in the sense that complication is a good thing. No, it's a good word in the sense that it really does summarize where I am right now. In a complicated place.

The unanticipated waves are getting higher, on one hand.

But, stuff's been bubbling for years, on the other hand.

Deadlines loom. Lots of them.

Emotions are high. Even more of those. Flooding, really.

Arguments ensue. Stormy styles crash.

It all hits at once. Stuff from the past, trials in the present, commitments, deadlines, emotions, arguments. All of it. The perfect storm.

And...I lace up.

Oh, don't for a moment think I mean that literally. Humph. I don't run.

But my heart does. And my mind runs even faster.  In the wrong direction.

I go to places that don't help. Places of desert, hard sand, drought, harsh heat.

My heart and mind complicate things. Chicken or egg, one of them starts it, and drags the other with it. Long, rough distances.

I'm not alone in that. Running in the wrong direction. Complicating things.

Jonah.

You've read the story. Maybe. God tells Jonah to get up, go, and deliver a message.
Three simple tasks.

He is Clear

So Jonah got up. Went to the dock. Found a ship. Bought a ticket. Got on board. Went below to sleep and tried to escape God. Seven tasks. Four more than needed.

The LORD allowed the ship to get into a wild storm. The sailors freaked, figured out Jonah was the cause. They woke him up, and long story short, threw him overboard. The storm immediately calmed. Lots of extra steps and drama involved in that one.

He is in Control

After the storm calmed, the LORD sent a whale to swallow Jonah and bring him back to the place He originally told him to go. Talk about complicated!

He is Faithful

I'm Jonah.  I'm just not in a big fish. Well, maybe I am. The place I'm in stinks - really badly. Ugh. I guess I'm in a fish. *sigh*

Here it is: we complicate things. I complicate things. I decide to do X instead of Y. I add layers of tasks onto what He has asked me to do (or didn't ask me to do). I don't think. I get caught up.

But! But! But! He won't let me get too far away! He won't let the waves get too high! He may stick me in a fish (would that make me a fish stick? LOL), but it's for my own good. To bring me back to Him and the tasks He has for me to do.

He did that today, with one question. Talk about simple!

Praise His name! 

He will not let you get too far, either, little bird! Wherever you are, take a sniff around. If it smells pretty rank, ask yourself if you're in a fish. Sometimes, we're in a fish because we're just in a fish - we live in a broken world that affects us.

But often, if we're honest, we kinda put ourselves in the fish. We complicated things, got off track, got lazy, looked the other way, chose differently than what He wants for us, and on and on.

So, this is me. Hopefully, getting out of a fish (please, LORD!).
Shoes laced, ready to roll His way.

You can do it, too. 

The Cross Builder

Something to think about...11 minutes that just might change your life.

The Cross Builder (hover to click the link)

He died on a cross.

For you and me.

Someone, praise His name!

Assisted Living

"We all want to stay as independent as possible, for as long as possible. That's, of course, our goal." The sales lady said it. 

She understands that the people who come to her are fighting a battle.  They want to be independent, but can't be. But it's a fight of the soul. Of the will. Of the heart. And, in our case, a fight of the mind.

Her mind is fighting her. She's fighting it. It's time to move. Time to get some help. Full time help. Live-in help. She doesn't think she needs it. Doesn't want it.

Is she staying with me?

Yes, she is.

All night?

Yes, all night.

For how long?

For a while. 

All day? 

Yes, all day and all night.

But... why? I don't want that. I don't need that. I've been fine, alone here for 30 years.

I know that. But it's time for help. 

So, she's staying?

Yes. 

All night?

It took a while for the truth to sink in.

He is Truth

We all need help. Full time help. Live-in help. And we don't want it. Don't think we need it. We. Don't. Want. It. !.

We need... No, I'll just speak for myself. I need help. Soul help. Will help. Heart help. Mind help. All of it. Especially because I think that I don't need it. Especially when I forget.

He is Helper

It's hard to see we need help. We think we're fine. We think we're managing. Heck, we have managed. At least we think we have. But we don't understand that by Someone Else managing, our life will be better. Safer.

Don't take my word for it. Take His.

When we were truly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners. God showed His great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. And since we have been made right in God's sight by the blood of Christ, He will certainly save us from God's condemnation. Now, God's wonderful grace rules, giving us right standing with God and resulting in 

eternal life through Jesus Christ our LORD. 

Romans 5:6, 8-9, 21 

He is our Righteousness

Helpless sinners. Christ died. We're made right by His blood. Grace. Right standing. Eternal life. Through Him.

Assisted living. For all. For ever.

Our heart. Our will. Our mind. He wants it all. Because if Someone is going to move in, if the Spirit of God is going to take up residence, care for us, guide us, keep us protected from our broken, forgetful selves, He's gotta have full run of the house. He deserves that.

He is Worthy

Praise His name! We don't have to live alone. We have a choice. Amazing grace.

Ask yourself today. Are you really living as well on your own as you could be living?
Do you see that you need help? That your sin muddles your soul, will, heart and mind?

It's time He moves in. 

Yes, it's time.

You need Him to stay, forever. 

Yes, you do. Really. 

Your life will be better with Him there. 

Yes, it will.

Tell Him you're a sinner. You've messed up. You think you can live without Him.
Admit He is your helper. The Only Helper that truly heals, reminds, protects.
Throw your stuff out on the lawn and ask Him to move in.
For ever. And ever.

Grounded

Flying sounded great. Not just great, it sounded...fulfilling. Deep. Necessary. 

Here's what I wrote:  

For this little bird (His little bird), flying is knowing God's Truth (His Word) and choosing to believe it and act on it so I can *rise above* my circumstances. To be used by God, for His purposes (not mine), and to move beyond and outside of my little cage, impacting far more than I could ever imagine.

And, over a month later, I sit. Sit. Not fly. Grounded and grumpy, if I'm honest.

But here's the deal: I'm the one preventing my flight. 

And as I type, I think of Hebrews 12:1, which says to throw off everything that hinders, and the sin that entangles, so that we can run the race marked out for us.

He Speaks.

Ugh. As I said, I'm the one preventing my flight. Hindering. Entangling. Sin binding.

There's that God-sized dream in my heart. The one that's fuzzy, doesn't have true form yet, but grows. Which is weird. Growing, but doesn't have form. It's a dream to use the gifts He's given me, to stretch them into something bigger and more productive than they are now. To grow big wings and use them. For Him. I mean, if those gifts aren't for Him, than what are they for, right?

He is my Worthy Purpose.

There's also the broken dream in my heart. The thing that didn't turn out how I expected. Actually, there are several of those. I let them weigh me down, hinder my mind. I choose to focus on the loss rather than choose to live out my own words - to choose and act on His word (not my thoughts) so I can rise above the things that entangle.

The weight of my choices. The weight of those words in my head that twist around and come together, making a weird nest of comfortable thorns and twigs. I let them keep me bound. Flightless. 

I write these things because they're real. Because if I'm going to say that to fly is to choose and act on His word, I can't just leave it there. I have to be authentic and admit that I'm failing to do it. It's not as easy as writing a few words down and mastering it.  There are Christians out there who say it and it's done. I'm not that person.

This is what my road looks like - wanting to do the right, but often staying bound up in my little bed of self-made sticks. Wanting the big wings, but not able to see that the heavy lifting of today is what makes those wings strong.

Brian Lorritts recently spoke at our church. Wow. Really, wow. He told a story about high school and that he wanted to be a varsity football player, but wasn't physically strong enough. One day when he was struggling to bench press in the midst of all of his older team members watching, and almost failed, being almost humiliated, his coach said:  

If you want to get big, you gotta lift heavy stuff.

And, the first thing that came to mind was: if I want to fly, I have to grow strong wings. 

So, here I go, another attempt to get my mind on the right path. It's written several times through my journal recently: 

In order to do great, big things for God, 

I have to demonstrate big faith in the little things.

A supernatural faith requires a supernatural faith.

LORD, this little bird wants to fly. Help me throw off all that hinders, help me choose to let go of the sin that entangles me, help me to be brave and trust Your word over my own thoughts. Help me to live authentically for and through You.

It's Time

What does it mean to fly? She asked it.

She, the one who is flying. High. Soaring, really. Really, really...high. Free.

And the question makes my anxious thoughts go. High, but not free.

I want, with all I have, to fly. Soar. With big wings. To get outside of the bland cage I live in. The cage of "me", really. The little cage I make with all the little thoughts that keep me from moving, from believing, from hoping.

But I make myself write it out. The answer to her question. And for the few moments that I'm able to sit still, the clearest picture of what it means comes. Free flowing.

For this little bird (His little bird), flying is knowing God's Truth (His Word) and choosing to believe it and act on it so I can *rise above* my circumstances. To be used by God, for His purposes (not mine), and to move beyond and outside of my little cage, impacting far more than I could ever imagine.

He is Truth. 

My circumstances are real, but His Truth is bigger than my circumstances. Circumstances change. He doesn't. Praise Him for that!

He is my Purpose. 

His purpose for me is to bring Him glory. Not to myself. *sigh* But, I like my glory.

So, every day, every moment that I'm aware, I need to choose to believe His Truth. Not what I see. Not what I think. Not what I have created in my mind or heart. I mislead myself. I make stuff up. I shut the door to my cage, then complain that I can't get out to fly.

Silly, little bird.

So, today I want to fly. To break out of the blah, and get...I don't even know what. I don't know where. I don't know when. But, today I choose to open the little door on my little cage. To change my little thoughts and make them His. To choose to believe Him.

To believe that He has a plan for me (Jeremiah 29:11). That I don't have to figure it out (Isaiah 55:9). That right this moment is the one in which I can give Him glory (Psalm 118:24). And those moments turn into a day of His glory.

So, I praise His name. The one that I'm learning to know. And believe. And act on.

It's time.

Fly, girl!

Finding Beauty in Today

"It's cancer. Stage 4. Metastasized." That's what they said. 

Out of the blue.

To my mother. 

A year ago, today.

And the days and months that followed were a jumbled mess for us girls. All three of us. Praying. Assertively looking for help. Guidance. Surgeons. Oncologists. 

But not her. She was steady. I mean it. She was. Steady. Like a rock.

He is The Rock.

Her Rock. For real.

And, today, this is her. Steady. Beautiful. Oh, so, so, so beautiful.

Hers is the face of trust. Peace. Surrender. Humility. This is what it looks like.  
In the midst.

He is Sustainer.  

The cancer is still there. In her midst. It always will be. Can't take it out.   

I don't like to think about that when I look at her. Sometimes, I get mad, thinking that it's in that gentle woman, who has loved me like no other person on earth. Quietly. Patiently. From a distance. Steadily. On her knees, mostly, offering her heart and life to Him. 

The cancer is there. But, so is He. He is Listening. 

My heart groans prayers for friends who have lost loved ones, several, in the past year. And...*sigh*

Where are the offering words to express thanks to a holy, perfect, sovereign, gracious God, who gives me this daily gift of a mother?  How can words possibly be messengers of that depth of gratitude, eucharisteo?

I can't find words. Just can't. So, I praise Who He is, trusting He hears me. 

He is Holy. Always.

He is Perfect. Always.

He is Sovereign. Always.

He is Gracious. Always.

She knows Him, my mom. She practices what she knows. Every single day.

And today, turning the delicate pages of His Book that seeks to guide my life, reading the passage that I aim to practice, her beautiful face comes to mind. Today. This is how she lives.

Blessed are those who trust in the Lord
    and have made the Lord their hope and confidence.

They are like trees planted along a riverbank,
    with roots that reach deep into the water.
Such trees are not bothered by the heat
    or worried by long months of drought.
Their leaves stay green,
    and they never stop producing fruit.

Jer 17:7-8

He is our Hope.  

Here it is: Whatever you're walking with today, whatever's inside you, around you, coming down the road, He knows. He hears. He wants to sustain you. *Look, today, for His holiness, perfection, sovereignty, grace, beauty. Today.*

Share, here, what you notice. I'm looking, too! 


Someone, please, praise His name!